I suggested that a colleague stop apologizing to me the other day because she’d done absolutely nothing wrong. Her response? “I’m sorry.” But maybe you guessed that already. Do you apologize to chairs when you knock into them? (Because sometimes I do.) Do you have a habit of punctuating conversations—particularly difficult ones—with “I’m sorrys” no matter what you did or said? Do you not even know when you’ve really done something you should apologize for because you say you’re sorry so much? You may be a reflexive apologizer, and also it may be time to stop. Unapologetically. Why Do We Apologize for Nothing? People apologize for myriad reasons unrelated to accountability for an actual wrong. Maybe we want other people to like us. (Likeability can feel really really important.) Sometimes we carry too much shame around for far too long, and “I’m sorry” seems like the thing to say, all the time—even if it’s just for existing. Girls in particular are socialized to accept responsibility in many circumstances, minimizing themselves, their voices and their behaviors for the real or perceived comfort of others. Also sometimes? We want people off our backs, and a tossed off “I’m sorry” is an attempt...
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